#WeekendCoffeeShare Super Rhio

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If we were having coffee, I think I would choose some kind of nice fruit tea because my brain is overly wired anyway, adding caffeine to the mix would probably be a bad idea.

If we were having tea, I would tell you about mine and Seren’s last week of summer. We’ve had so much fun since she’s been off school and I can’t believe it’s been six weeks already! I’m not really looking forward to her going back to school, but I think it will be good for me to get back into a good routine. Routine is super important to avoid the mentals.

If you read last weeks coffee share you’d know that we were working on a “My Little Pony” painting together, and I’m excited to tell you that we’ve finished it! It’s now hanging on Seren’s wall in her bedroom and it looks so cute! The walls in her bedroom are slowly getting filled up with art!

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At the beginning of the week Seren and I went to town for lunch, and plenty of window shopping. Seren bought Rainbow Dash in cuddly toy form with her pocket money. She’s been super helpful around the house helping me with cleaning and I reward her for such with pocket money. She is always super proud to spend her earned money on whatever she wants.

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We spent the rest of the week having fun at home until yesterday when we spent the day with a lovely friend of mine in town. We had pub lunch and chatted about anything and everything. I was very proud of myself for going to town on a Saturday. Usually I avoid weekends in town because just thinking about the large masses of people freaks me out. I was also super proud of myself because Seren and I did that on top of not sleeping properly the night before. We were exhausted and couldn’t sleep due to my neighbours dog barking continuously all night without pause. It’s loud enough that I can’t even hear my tv over it, let alone sleep. I had quite a bit of pain from not sleeping and felt absolutely horrible and hungover because I hadn’t slept off my meds enough (Medication hangovers… bleurgh) but we still managed to get to town albeit a bit later than planned and had a great time. My friend was super cute with Seren, and bought her a really cute pig ornament and it feels so much more amazing socialising and having fun offline.  So when I got home, I felt like Super Rhio and that I’d achieved something because going out on the busiest day of the week whilst being so tired is an achievement for me. I am paying for it now though, ugh, I feel really weak and tired, despite being mentally wired, however it was definitely worth it.

I’ve also had a lot of fun gaming this week and ventured into the Life is Strange universe.

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Screenshot captured in game.

Life is Strange is a decision based game from Square Enix, and the protagonist Max, pictured above, is able to time travel. It’s basically the butterfly effect for true nerds. There are references to several books in this game, like those of Ray Bradbury, and plenty of references to tv shows. Max is a photography student, so plenty of photography references included too. What’s different about this game compared to those of Telltale Games is the decisions you make actually mean something. There seems to be more combinations of stories than other games, and talking about it to my friend, we had vastly different stories because of the different decisions we’ve made. It’s also a lot more involved, so in my opinion, is more fun than playing Telltale Games episodes.
I played episodes 1-4 this week and cannot wait for episode 5 to come out in October now. I really enjoyed it, and will be playing another playthrough so I can make different decisions. I highly recommend you guys getting this game.

I’ve also had fun playing the Black Ops 3 beta on Xbox One. I love the movement because it reminds me of Titanfall, and the supers remind me of Destiny, two games I’ve really enjoyed. I still prefer playing Battlefield though to Call of Duty but I probably will buy Black Ops 3 for Zombies because I really love Black Ops Zombies. However Battlefront comes out the same time so I can see myself just playing that for a while. The beta is currently open, so you don’t need a download code to play it, I think it’s cool that CoD did that and I do wish more games would have betas because they really help me decide if I should buy the game or not.

I should go now… I have a lot of school uniform washing and ironing to do for Seren’s first week back. It’s a bit of a pain washing and ironing brand new clothes, but if I don’t, Seren comes out in rashes so there is no choice! I swear it’s that stain resistant stuff they add to uniforms, I have to wash them on 60 degrees to get it all off. Can’t be good for your skin if Seren has such severe reactions to it.
I think I’ll join you guys for some coffee too first though… Procrastination rules!

#WeekendCoffeeShare is a blog link up hosted by PartTimeMonster. Head over to her blog to join in!

#WeekendCoffeeShare Busy Week!

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If we were having coffee, I’d buy everyone a coffee and sit down and wait for you guys to be on time because I am always incredibly early for everything. You’d probably end up having to buy your own coffee anyway because the one I bought you would probably be cold by the time you arrived on time. Or if you’re British and I ordered you a tea you’d probably drink it even though it’s cold because you can’t ever deny a cup of tea.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you about how I’ve been super busy this week. I’ve been working on other posts to post during the week so I don’t just post coffee shares, but I’ve been so busy, or so tired from being busy that I haven’t got around to finishing them yet.

My little one and I, and I think from now on I will call her Seren because it means “Star” in Welsh, have been masters of stay at home activities, but we’ve also been out this week too.

We started our week off by baking brownies on Monday morning. I am absolutely hopeless at cooking, but I seem to do okay with baking. Seren and I have been watching The Great British Bake Off and both got a bit inspired from watching it.

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Baking and/or cooking are really great activities to do with your kids to encourage them to have a healthy relationship with food, especially baking because it’s so fun and messy. If your child is a picky eater, or going through that phase that all kids go through where they will only eat certain foods, showing them food growing in the wild, and then involving them in the cooking process really helps. In fact, it’s the only thing I did that helped Seren get out of those phases she had. It makes a lot of sense, usually we place food in front of our kids, and tell them they have to eat it without any explanation, but even as adults, we like to know what ingredients the cook used, and how it was cooked.

Anyway, back to the Brownies, we also melted some white chocolate because I thought it would be fun to let her pipe the chocolate over the brownies. Here are some of the completed brownies. So cute!

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On Wednesday, we had to go to the Podiatrist to get Seren’s new insoles. She has poor alignment of her leg bones, which means her feet are twisted to compensate. Kids are usually born with this but normally they grow out of it, hence the cute way they walk when they have just learnt to walk and are toddling around, but unfortunately, Seren did not grow out of it, and instead, growth spurts tended to make it worse. Seren falls over a lot tripping over her own feet, and has really bad scars and scar tissue on her knees from continually falling over. A few falls she has suffered have even warranted trips to the hospital. Hopefully the insoles will help her, and they seem to be working already, she is walking a lot better. She likes them because it makes her a little bit taller so she’s almost the same height as me while wearing them. Seren also made me laugh because one of the first things she said was, “I can feel these insoles making me walk more normally, normal feels so weird”. Yes, normal is weird!

We also went to the shops after the appointment and had lunch, I had to try to find some school socks for her to wear, but we couldn’t find any, anywhere! Then near the end of searching stores high and low, I remembered that I had already bought her school socks a few weeks ago! Thanks brain, we walked around the shops in the pouring rain searching for socks we already had!

For the rest of the week we have mostly been doing arts and crafts. Seren really likes My Little Pony at the moment, so our draws have been pony related.

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We also started a My Little Pony painting on canvas together, but we haven’t finished it yet! I will definitely post it when we’ve finished it’s looking really cute!

When Seren has been sleeping, I’ve mostly been either exhausted and just watching YouTube or Netflix whilst hanging out with friends online (I actually met someone who worked at BioWare on the Citadel DLC for Mass Effect 3, how cool is that?!) or playing the Battlefield 4 CTE on Xbox One. It’s pretty cool to be able to play the CTE because all the guns and so forth are unlocked, and the night maps are so cool, but a little bit scary! I have been part of the preview program on Xbox One for a while now, and have been eagerly awaiting my CTE invite to be able to play with my friends. We’ve had some great fun hiding in the shadows of the map ready to pounce on unsuspecting victims. It’s quite hard to invite, party and so forth, but as there are only a few servers, it’s easy just to meet on the same server even if we have to be on separate teams.
A friend, Seren and I have also been doing some Minecraft stuff. We were thinking of building a Jurassic World map. My friend is amazing at building 3D models so I think a dinosaur world would look pretty great.

And that is mostly it. I hope you guys have had a great week too, and are having a great weekend. We are now in our last week off before school starts. I imagine that I’ll have more time to post in the week when Seren is back in school, but know that I am working on other stuff to post! :) It’s my drawings mostly, they take forever, I really need to learn how to draw faster!

— Rhio

#WeekendCoffeeShare – School shopping.

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If we were having coffee, I’d mostly be talking about the fact I’ve been trying to get uniform for my little one for school this week. She has a few weeks of holiday left though, they don’t go back until September in the UK (They finished school at the end of July).
It’s especially stressful to get shoes because she has very specific requirements for shoes, due to the fact she needs to wear special insoles. I think we have finally found the right ones but I had to send the ones we had back because they were too big, and she needed a size smaller.

As well as stressing me out, school shopping has also been kind of sad this year, as she’s about to enter her last year in primary school before she goes to high school this time next year. She still seems too little to go, she is only 10. I think it just reaffirms that my little girl is growing up, more so than anything else. I’m never excited for her to go back to school anyway, I love it when she’s off school, we have so much fun together but I’m just finding it all so completely stressful and sad this year. I’m really dreading next year, but I’m hoping it’s just one of those things that I’m worrying about incessantly that will probably end up being fine. Anxiety is so great isn’t it?!

My little one (I should really think up a name to use for her on my blog!) is not in a rush to grow up like some of the kids her age (Thankfully! l’ve seen some of them wear make up! No, just no), at the same time though she’s also a little sad herself because she doesn’t want to grow up. I remember that all too well, and remember not being ready for these big changes everyone was talking about. I ended up being glad to get to high school though, as the beginning of high school was really great and they actually taught actual subjects. I was completely bored at primary school, because I found it too easy. It wasn’t even because I was super intelligent or a genius or anything, because I’m totally not, and when I got to high school I was really very behind compared to the other kids in my class, (I found it fun though to cram and catch up with the rest of the smart kids) I guess my primary school was just not very good at teaching actual subjects.

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I tell my little one that high school will be better, and they will teach cool science and English literature (Which she loves at the moment) and it seems to make her feel a little better, but I know what she really means, aside from the fact I know she’s a bit worried about making friends because she does struggle to understand some of the “kid nonsense” that goes on in school (The normal crap that kids do, “You’re my bestest friend”, ten minutes later, “I don’t want to be your friend anymore”), it’s also the fact that time is passing, and she’s growing up whether she likes it or not. I tell her that I haven’t really grown up yet, I only adult when I have to, like when I need to go pay a bill, or go to the bank, or fill forms out, or talk at a conference because some adult things are required of all of us, but the rest of the time, I don’t feel like an adult. I get down on the floor and play with my little one like we are the same age, not because that’s what cool mums do, because that’s what is fun for me.

It’s the same with gaming and so forth, and being overly excited about things without fear of what people think, but that’s just being a nerd for you. Seriously, you should see my face if a new science paper comes out that interests me, or watching the E3 livestream and seeing Mass Effect Andromeda…

I really feel for my little one and I totally identify with her too and for me, well, it does pain me just a little bit that my little girl is growing up. I think it’s to do with the fact I have been able to shield her from most of the world’s ill’s thus far and soon, she will have knowledge, thoughts, and will experience what this world is like for herself, and that scares me. The fact I also have to inform her of the world’s dangers often makes me feel guilty, and I often put “I’m sorry”, at the end of those sentences.

Also, I worry about the fact my daughter might start wanting to fit in, because everyone does, and stop being who she is to please everyone else. I just hope she stays true to who she is, because it’s so amazing to see her get excited about what she loves, I don’t want that to be ruined by kids who won’t talk to you if you’re wearing the wrong thing, or like she experienced recently, them picking on her because of the shoes she wears. Seriously, her shoes looked cool, but she had to wear podiatrist approved shoes so they were boy styled because that’s all I could get and you know what? Those shoes meant she was in less pain but she experienced emotional pain for being picked on for it. Why don’t people teach their kids to be thoughtful of other people? People say, “Well, that’s kids for you”, or “That’s normal though Rhio, you’re being unrealistic”, and I seriously want to tell them to shut up, I’m being unrealistic to expect kids to be nice to each other? Well, that says everything you need to know about the human race doesn’t it? How depressing.

I just want my daughter to be her forever and without fear, because I know, being true to yourself and who you are is one of the easiest ways to make yourself happy. For some odd reason, being true to being you also sometimes ends up causing you actual grief because of other people and their judgements or prejudices. Humans… you should want your other human brothers and sisters to be happy, so please let them be happy.

[If you would like to take part in the #weekendcoffeeshare, then head to Part Time Monsters blog to take part!]

Mildly Obsessed With Satellites.

It’s been a while hasn’t it?!
There’s so many reasons for my blog absence, but basically, saving the galaxy (Or doing something not really that important) comes with it’s fair share of problems. I managed to hurt my back, and then my hip, and then my right hand. So, drawing or writing hasn’t really been the top of my priorities of late. However, I have been working on a lot of things offline.

I’ve had all these ideas in my head for years, and never really done anything about them. I think it’s like fear of failure or fear of criticism or something along those lines. There always seems to be this brick wall that appears around my brain whenever I sit down and start to do something. I can’t fail if I do not complete it is true, but I definitely cannot win if I’m not in the game. I know I have a giant problem with building up my ideas in my head, and then completing them, only to find out that my idea wasn’t really that good to begin with, and I do hate it when that happens.

However, I’ve decided that I’m going to start completing some of my ideas and actually try. A youtube video I watched reminded me that most successful people are only where they are because they’ve failed many times before it. Failure lets you analyse and make things better, so does criticism.

As I’ve been playing Sims 4 while waiting for my back and hip and hand to get better, I’ve been playing a lot of music, and I’m mildly,  slightly totally obsessed with Klaypex’s Satellites. It’s the best song EVER! It made me really want to draw this…

Here’s the song that goes with it:-

Hope everyone is doing well :)

 

The Good Stuff. [Blog]

It’s been a while again… I’ve had, what I think is sinusitis, and have been attacked with unbearable headaches so I haven’t been able to sit at my screen and draw. Hoping that it gets better soon because it’s starting to get on my nerves.
Anyway, there’s a lot I’ve been wanting to talk about so here goes:-

1. #E3 2015. Oh my goodness. If I ever doubted that I was a nerd, watching the livestream of the video game expo on YouTube totally quashed any doubts in my mind. I was basically, in a state of continual nerdgasm, especially seeing the new Battlefront gameplay. By far the best for me was EA kicking off it’s awesome show with a Mass Effect trailer. I am so so so excited for that. It’s going to be hard waiting one and a half years to get my hands on that game. My cheeks hurt from smiling at the end of it. I’m sure playing Battlefront with my friends this winter will help with the wait.
I was talking to my friend on Facebook while watching the livestream, and our conversation was basically many “OMG”‘s over and over again. Haha.
“OMG OMG OMG it’s Mass Effect!!! OMG OMG OMG :D :D :D :D :D”.

2. Sims 4. Last weekend I was browsing Origin, which is almost completely pointless anyway because I have a MacBook, but saw Sims 4 was on sale at half price. So I ended up buying it with money I accrued selling my old games on eBay. I’ve been playing in short bursts as that’s all my head can handle without it feeling like it’s going to explode. Thank you sinuses. Sims 4 is pretty awesome, I thought I wasn’t going to like it as much given that there’s no toddlers and the build mode worried me. The build mode is flipping great, and I’ve been able to build stuff that I wanted to build in Sims 3, but was restricted. I decided to complete my Mass Effect fantasy and create a Kaidan and Shepard, and I’m pretty pleased with how they turned out, especially Kaidan. He even has similar mannerisms. I made my Shepard look like my Shepard, hence her lack of red hair. Kaidan’s working on the astronaut career path, and I still haven’t decided what I want to do with Shep.
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Here’s my first shot at using the new build tools, I built this house in free mode. My Shepard/Alenko household are playing without motherlode though and are slumming it in a bungalow!

simshouseI should get some shots of the interior, it far outweighs the exterior. Also, I really love how custom content is so accessible in Sims 4. In Sims 3, EA charged for certain items and asked for Simpoints, you don’t need them anymore.
The only thing apart from toddlers, that I wish they would add is custom textures. Anyway, I’ve had a lot of fun playing this. November seems so far away from all the games I want to play on my Xbox One, however, my little one and I have been playing Lego Jurassic World, and it’s definitely my favourite lego game. My little one is really enjoying it.

3. I’m quitting smoking. So far, I’ve cut down by half, and my quit date is next week. I’m looking forward to not having to buy them ever again. I’ve quit before, plenty of times, when I was pregnant for instance, and many times after that. But I’ve always quit too fast, and it just doesn’t seem compatible with me and my “issues”. I quit for a week or so, and then I start again because it usually causes a depressive episode. This time I’m going to be all smart about it and do it slowly. Ease myself on to NRT, and slowly ease myself off that.

4. Me and my little one had our hair cut! I had a lot of hair cut off. Surprising how much it had grown in a year. It’s been so much better, I’ve been really struggling with this humidity we’ve been having lately. I know it’s nothing compared to what some of you have to experience, but I’m properly British and my very British body cannot cope with heat for more than one day without feeling like I’m melting. Plus, hardly any of us have air con, it’s making me want to book a hotel room for a night just so I can use air con.

5. I stopped taking Sertraline. Long story short, it was giving me physical health issues, I felt horrible constantly. It was a shame because in the first few months of taking it, it helped me a lot, but then, it just seemed to give me anger and the physical issues I had, along with hormonal problems. There were some days that I couldn’t do anything for feeling so horrible because of my meds. I’m happy to report that I’m feeling a lot better in that respect, in fact, I’ve been feeling a lot happier lately, more so than I have for a long long while! I’ve noticed my passion has come back with a vengeance though, which is 90% awesome, but being overly passionate about things can make you blind in terms of getting angry about things. However, it’s not all-the-live-long-day anger anymore, I just have to avoid things like comments sections on Facebook, the news, and instead focus on things that are (kind of) healthy to be passionate about like gaming, and art and stuff. I get to where I want to right all the worlds wrongs, but then get frustrated at the fact I have no power to do anything about it, I just have to sit and observe the world turn into shit.

6. Gay marriage is legal in America. This made me so happy, so completely ecstatic. It’s one step closer to being like the Mass Effect Universe. In Mass Effect, no one cares if you’re gay, or if you’re in love with an alien from another species, because it’s normal. Being in love is normal and should be celebrated, and people in love should be allowed to celebrate that love. It’s common sense. Gay rights are just human rights. I’ve always been outspoken in my life about gay rights, even though I’m straight, I just want us to move forward together as a species and step out of the horrible dark ages. This is one step closer to that, in fact, America made more than one step this week, and hopefully, they, and the rest of us, keep walking that path.

Anyway, I’m off to watch some more Prison Break and write out a birthday card before I go to bed. I’ll hopefully be back with some drawings when my head starts to feel a bit better.

Noisy Brain in the Waiting Room [Comic and Stuff].

I was sat in the doctors waiting room the other day and was actually treated to my noisy brain. There are days where I enjoy my noisy brain, and that day was one of them.
My brain is always noisy, all of the time, the only time it’s ever quiet is when the meds I take to go to sleep kick in. It’s not even that it’s just overactive, it’s that it’s completely grating. It’s like someone pressed play on 5 cassette players (Showing my age!) all at once, sometimes I can’t even make out what it’s on about, kind of like when you’re in a busy coffee shop, you hear the chatter, and if you try to concentrate and decipher all the conversations happening all at the same time, you only end up catching single words, and putting them together makes no sense.

Taking my “go to sleep” meds is usually such a relief, “Ahhh quiet at last”. Especially if my noisy brain has been going on about horrible stuff all day. It’s always completely exhausting when that happens, and anything can set it all off. A bad dream, something someone said, an anniversary, or anything that causes me to think in a negative way. Problem is though, I can’t just think different, I don’t have any control over it. It just happens. When someone first told me they had the power to think differently, it completely baffled me. I was 25 at the time and had only ever known the uncontrollable intrusive thoughts.

The only control I have? Well, I can try and keep busy, until I exhaust myself, and I certainly cannot relax, sitting still and relaxing, well that’s when it’s at it’s loudest, like when I was in the doctors waiting room. I’ve sat and “watched” movies, only to realise I had stopped paying attention half way through and had been in my own head for the entire second half of the movie without even realising. This is why I play Xbox games a lot, and why I mention them so much on my blog. The whole loud explosions and gun fire along with hand eye co-ordination is a little break from my head, plus I don’t have to expend physical energy, which would make me exhausted and make everything worse.

However much it’s freaking horrible when it’s bad, when my brain is completely full of good stuff, songs, ideas, I am super creative. I enjoy the conversations I have with my head, and my brain, for a while, becomes my best friend. It’s actually really funny in there sometimes! I sit by myself enjoying it, and accidentally laughing out loud on public transport is a great way to identify yourself as the crazy person on the bus. I have struggled with taking a lot of medications because I hate when I lose my good brain, medications do not discriminate, they may take the bad, but they’ll take the good crazy too. My good brain makes me smart, I have an ability to make connections with all the different information in my brain, I used to be able to do physics equations in my head, I super surprise myself at my art ability and so on. What I do now, while taking meds, is okay, but it’s not as great as before. However, I have to take them, I just couldn’t live with the bad brain stuff, which unfortunately happens more times than the good brain and I was needing too much treatment from the mental health teams.

I think the key to making my bad brain better is to ignore the crap out of it. However, the bad stuff is so hard to ignore. It’s like 5 people following you around all day, everyday telling you how god darn awful you are at everything. Even though you might know that the bad stuff it’s saying its false, for instance, now, one of the loudest is how I’m a bad mum because I have mental health problems. I know I’m a good mum, my little one is awesome, I love her, and everyone around me, even impartial people like social services tell me I’m good at what I do. My mental health nurse practically reassures me every single appointment I have with her. There’s always that worry though, that I’m not good enough, and that’s all it takes for the bad brain stuff to take over. If someone says something at you so many times, you start to believe it. My natural instinct is to fight, to tell it off, but it makes it worse.

In my eating disorder recovery, I learnt that my ED thoughts might always be there, because they are still there now and in a way, I felt like I was failing at my recovery because they still existed. I tried, in the beginning, so hard to fight them, I gave it everything I’ve got, but it didn’t go away. It struggled harder to make me listen, so instead I started ignoring the crap out of it. I pretended it didn’t exist, I still do, some days it’s hard to ignore, but I do, and it’s working. It’s working so good, this is the longest time I’ve been eating healthy (Well, I wouldn’t call it healthy per se, unless you think lots of pizza is healthy in which case, *high five* pizza is so awesome), and also, I’ve faced crazy hurdles like my medications causing weight gain. Before recovery, I would have totally just had to not eat to deal with it. I’ve just kept eating, it’s pretty amazing really, I never thought I would be able to do that.

Maybe one day the other thoughts will be the same and I’ll be able to ignore them too. Until then, here’s me in the doctors office enjoying the good stuff in my brain.
(Note: I’ve been playing Mass Effect again, you just need to know that before you see this haha).

NoisyBrainfinished(Comic drawn on Affinity Designer and Pixelmator for Mac…
Song lyrics:- “Here we go” by the complete genius Jon Brion 
“Zombie” by the Cranberries
Quotes:- Atoms, Richard Feynman
N7, Commander Shepard)

 

Caution: People with technology. (Blog)

I’ve been away for a while, I’ve mostly dealing with withdrawal from one of my meds. My brain was swimming so much I couldn’t concentrate on drawing or writing. Thankfully, it seems to be getting a little better, which is great but also means that I’ll now have to deal with the fact I’m not taking them. But anyways…

I have been busy too whilst I’ve been dealing with faulty brain chemistry. I took part in another conference, and spoke about my eating disorder and my recovery from it. It was brilliant, and this time I was way more confident and wasn’t shaking quite so much as the first time. The feedback I got was great. People were coming up to me afterwards telling me I was inspirational, which meant a lot given that the other speakers were all really awesome. It made me think a lot about this blog and how I’ve been neglecting it. I’ve not been doing what I set out to do. So, I promise that I will have some eating disorder posts on here soon. I’ve been working on some today actually, but I really wanted to just type this post to catch up with everyone!

My little one’s been busy painting and making a Facebook page for her teddy. Her painting is amazing, I love how she makes my comics, but makes them totally her own. She loves painting and it’s super fun teaching her how to paint properly.
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Her Facebook page, which I obviously monitor, is called The Adventures of Teddy and it is super cute. She’s been taking pictures of her teddy at various places. Feel free to check it out!

Anyway, I’m going to get back to drawing awesome things and I’ll leave you with a suggestion for a new road sign.
“People with Technology”. Hope you guys are all okay, and I’m looking forward to catching up with your blogs :)
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Happy Star Wars Day Comic :)

StarWarsDayfinishedI’ve always wanted to be a lady stormtrooper, and it looks as though my fantasy could come to [game] life when the new Star Wars Battlefront game comes out. I am really looking forward to that!
I’ve always been a big Star Wars fan, and my little one is too. My house is full of Star Wars lego which my little one and I have equal amounts of fun playing with. I also LOVE the Star Wars Lego games, I think we’ve played all of them, my favourite one is the Lego Movie video game.

Have a great Star Wars day! :)