The Good Stuff. [Blog]

It’s been a while again… I’ve had, what I think is sinusitis, and have been attacked with unbearable headaches so I haven’t been able to sit at my screen and draw. Hoping that it gets better soon because it’s starting to get on my nerves.
Anyway, there’s a lot I’ve been wanting to talk about so here goes:-

1. #E3 2015. Oh my goodness. If I ever doubted that I was a nerd, watching the livestream of the video game expo on YouTube totally quashed any doubts in my mind. I was basically, in a state of continual nerdgasm, especially seeing the new Battlefront gameplay. By far the best for me was EA kicking off it’s awesome show with a Mass Effect trailer. I am so so so excited for that. It’s going to be hard waiting one and a half years to get my hands on that game. My cheeks hurt from smiling at the end of it. I’m sure playing Battlefront with my friends this winter will help with the wait.
I was talking to my friend on Facebook while watching the livestream, and our conversation was basically many “OMG”‘s over and over again. Haha.
“OMG OMG OMG it’s Mass Effect!!! OMG OMG OMG :D :D :D :D :D”.

2. Sims 4. Last weekend I was browsing Origin, which is almost completely pointless anyway because I have a MacBook, but saw Sims 4 was on sale at half price. So I ended up buying it with money I accrued selling my old games on eBay. I’ve been playing in short bursts as that’s all my head can handle without it feeling like it’s going to explode. Thank you sinuses. Sims 4 is pretty awesome, I thought I wasn’t going to like it as much given that there’s no toddlers and the build mode worried me. The build mode is flipping great, and I’ve been able to build stuff that I wanted to build in Sims 3, but was restricted. I decided to complete my Mass Effect fantasy and create a Kaidan and Shepard, and I’m pretty pleased with how they turned out, especially Kaidan. He even has similar mannerisms. I made my Shepard look like my Shepard, hence her lack of red hair. Kaidan’s working on the astronaut career path, and I still haven’t decided what I want to do with Shep.
kaidanandshepard

Here’s my first shot at using the new build tools, I built this house in free mode. My Shepard/Alenko household are playing without motherlode though and are slumming it in a bungalow!

simshouseI should get some shots of the interior, it far outweighs the exterior. Also, I really love how custom content is so accessible in Sims 4. In Sims 3, EA charged for certain items and asked for Simpoints, you don’t need them anymore.
The only thing apart from toddlers, that I wish they would add is custom textures. Anyway, I’ve had a lot of fun playing this. November seems so far away from all the games I want to play on my Xbox One, however, my little one and I have been playing Lego Jurassic World, and it’s definitely my favourite lego game. My little one is really enjoying it.

3. I’m quitting smoking. So far, I’ve cut down by half, and my quit date is next week. I’m looking forward to not having to buy them ever again. I’ve quit before, plenty of times, when I was pregnant for instance, and many times after that. But I’ve always quit too fast, and it just doesn’t seem compatible with me and my “issues”. I quit for a week or so, and then I start again because it usually causes a depressive episode. This time I’m going to be all smart about it and do it slowly. Ease myself on to NRT, and slowly ease myself off that.

4. Me and my little one had our hair cut! I had a lot of hair cut off. Surprising how much it had grown in a year. It’s been so much better, I’ve been really struggling with this humidity we’ve been having lately. I know it’s nothing compared to what some of you have to experience, but I’m properly British and my very British body cannot cope with heat for more than one day without feeling like I’m melting. Plus, hardly any of us have air con, it’s making me want to book a hotel room for a night just so I can use air con.

5. I stopped taking Sertraline. Long story short, it was giving me physical health issues, I felt horrible constantly. It was a shame because in the first few months of taking it, it helped me a lot, but then, it just seemed to give me anger and the physical issues I had, along with hormonal problems. There were some days that I couldn’t do anything for feeling so horrible because of my meds. I’m happy to report that I’m feeling a lot better in that respect, in fact, I’ve been feeling a lot happier lately, more so than I have for a long long while! I’ve noticed my passion has come back with a vengeance though, which is 90% awesome, but being overly passionate about things can make you blind in terms of getting angry about things. However, it’s not all-the-live-long-day anger anymore, I just have to avoid things like comments sections on Facebook, the news, and instead focus on things that are (kind of) healthy to be passionate about like gaming, and art and stuff. I get to where I want to right all the worlds wrongs, but then get frustrated at the fact I have no power to do anything about it, I just have to sit and observe the world turn into shit.

6. Gay marriage is legal in America. This made me so happy, so completely ecstatic. It’s one step closer to being like the Mass Effect Universe. In Mass Effect, no one cares if you’re gay, or if you’re in love with an alien from another species, because it’s normal. Being in love is normal and should be celebrated, and people in love should be allowed to celebrate that love. It’s common sense. Gay rights are just human rights. I’ve always been outspoken in my life about gay rights, even though I’m straight, I just want us to move forward together as a species and step out of the horrible dark ages. This is one step closer to that, in fact, America made more than one step this week, and hopefully, they, and the rest of us, keep walking that path.

Anyway, I’m off to watch some more Prison Break and write out a birthday card before I go to bed. I’ll hopefully be back with some drawings when my head starts to feel a bit better.

Noisy Brain in the Waiting Room [Comic and Stuff].

I was sat in the doctors waiting room the other day and was actually treated to my noisy brain. There are days where I enjoy my noisy brain, and that day was one of them.
My brain is always noisy, all of the time, the only time it’s ever quiet is when the meds I take to go to sleep kick in. It’s not even that it’s just overactive, it’s that it’s completely grating. It’s like someone pressed play on 5 cassette players (Showing my age!) all at once, sometimes I can’t even make out what it’s on about, kind of like when you’re in a busy coffee shop, you hear the chatter, and if you try to concentrate and decipher all the conversations happening all at the same time, you only end up catching single words, and putting them together makes no sense.

Taking my “go to sleep” meds is usually such a relief, “Ahhh quiet at last”. Especially if my noisy brain has been going on about horrible stuff all day. It’s always completely exhausting when that happens, and anything can set it all off. A bad dream, something someone said, an anniversary, or anything that causes me to think in a negative way. Problem is though, I can’t just think different, I don’t have any control over it. It just happens. When someone first told me they had the power to think differently, it completely baffled me. I was 25 at the time and had only ever known the uncontrollable intrusive thoughts.

The only control I have? Well, I can try and keep busy, until I exhaust myself, and I certainly cannot relax, sitting still and relaxing, well that’s when it’s at it’s loudest, like when I was in the doctors waiting room. I’ve sat and “watched” movies, only to realise I had stopped paying attention half way through and had been in my own head for the entire second half of the movie without even realising. This is why I play Xbox games a lot, and why I mention them so much on my blog. The whole loud explosions and gun fire along with hand eye co-ordination is a little break from my head, plus I don’t have to expend physical energy, which would make me exhausted and make everything worse.

However much it’s freaking horrible when it’s bad, when my brain is completely full of good stuff, songs, ideas, I am super creative. I enjoy the conversations I have with my head, and my brain, for a while, becomes my best friend. It’s actually really funny in there sometimes! I sit by myself enjoying it, and accidentally laughing out loud on public transport is a great way to identify yourself as the crazy person on the bus. I have struggled with taking a lot of medications because I hate when I lose my good brain, medications do not discriminate, they may take the bad, but they’ll take the good crazy too. My good brain makes me smart, I have an ability to make connections with all the different information in my brain, I used to be able to do physics equations in my head, I super surprise myself at my art ability and so on. What I do now, while taking meds, is okay, but it’s not as great as before. However, I have to take them, I just couldn’t live with the bad brain stuff, which unfortunately happens more times than the good brain and I was needing too much treatment from the mental health teams.

I think the key to making my bad brain better is to ignore the crap out of it. However, the bad stuff is so hard to ignore. It’s like 5 people following you around all day, everyday telling you how god darn awful you are at everything. Even though you might know that the bad stuff it’s saying its false, for instance, now, one of the loudest is how I’m a bad mum because I have mental health problems. I know I’m a good mum, my little one is awesome, I love her, and everyone around me, even impartial people like social services tell me I’m good at what I do. My mental health nurse practically reassures me every single appointment I have with her. There’s always that worry though, that I’m not good enough, and that’s all it takes for the bad brain stuff to take over. If someone says something at you so many times, you start to believe it. My natural instinct is to fight, to tell it off, but it makes it worse.

In my eating disorder recovery, I learnt that my ED thoughts might always be there, because they are still there now and in a way, I felt like I was failing at my recovery because they still existed. I tried, in the beginning, so hard to fight them, I gave it everything I’ve got, but it didn’t go away. It struggled harder to make me listen, so instead I started ignoring the crap out of it. I pretended it didn’t exist, I still do, some days it’s hard to ignore, but I do, and it’s working. It’s working so good, this is the longest time I’ve been eating healthy (Well, I wouldn’t call it healthy per se, unless you think lots of pizza is healthy in which case, *high five* pizza is so awesome), and also, I’ve faced crazy hurdles like my medications causing weight gain. Before recovery, I would have totally just had to not eat to deal with it. I’ve just kept eating, it’s pretty amazing really, I never thought I would be able to do that.

Maybe one day the other thoughts will be the same and I’ll be able to ignore them too. Until then, here’s me in the doctors office enjoying the good stuff in my brain.
(Note: I’ve been playing Mass Effect again, you just need to know that before you see this haha).

NoisyBrainfinished(Comic drawn on Affinity Designer and Pixelmator for Mac…
Song lyrics:- “Here we go” by the complete genius Jon Brion 
“Zombie” by the Cranberries
Quotes:- Atoms, Richard Feynman
N7, Commander Shepard)

 

Caution: People with technology. (Blog)

I’ve been away for a while, I’ve mostly dealing with withdrawal from one of my meds. My brain was swimming so much I couldn’t concentrate on drawing or writing. Thankfully, it seems to be getting a little better, which is great but also means that I’ll now have to deal with the fact I’m not taking them. But anyways…

I have been busy too whilst I’ve been dealing with faulty brain chemistry. I took part in another conference, and spoke about my eating disorder and my recovery from it. It was brilliant, and this time I was way more confident and wasn’t shaking quite so much as the first time. The feedback I got was great. People were coming up to me afterwards telling me I was inspirational, which meant a lot given that the other speakers were all really awesome. It made me think a lot about this blog and how I’ve been neglecting it. I’ve not been doing what I set out to do. So, I promise that I will have some eating disorder posts on here soon. I’ve been working on some today actually, but I really wanted to just type this post to catch up with everyone!

My little one’s been busy painting and making a Facebook page for her teddy. Her painting is amazing, I love how she makes my comics, but makes them totally her own. She loves painting and it’s super fun teaching her how to paint properly.
painting

Her Facebook page, which I obviously monitor, is called The Adventures of Teddy and it is super cute. She’s been taking pictures of her teddy at various places. Feel free to check it out!

Anyway, I’m going to get back to drawing awesome things and I’ll leave you with a suggestion for a new road sign.
“People with Technology”. Hope you guys are all okay, and I’m looking forward to catching up with your blogs :)
cellphonewarning

Happy Star Wars Day Comic :)

StarWarsDayfinishedI’ve always wanted to be a lady stormtrooper, and it looks as though my fantasy could come to [game] life when the new Star Wars Battlefront game comes out. I am really looking forward to that!
I’ve always been a big Star Wars fan, and my little one is too. My house is full of Star Wars lego which my little one and I have equal amounts of fun playing with. I also LOVE the Star Wars Lego games, I think we’ve played all of them, my favourite one is the Lego Movie video game.

Have a great Star Wars day! :)

 

Just One More Episode…

netflix1netflix2netflix33netflix4Hello everyone! :)
It’s been a while, we’ve been busy. My little one and I both came down with a nasty flu bug, and I’ve had my meds increased, so I’ve been chilling out and resting in front of Netflix and spring cleaning my flat. I had Amazon Instant Video previously, but Netflix is in a league of it’s own. It’s so addictive! I’ve been watching Breaking Bad, and a lot of the movies they have on offer. I am yet to watch Daredevil, but am looking forward to starting that soon too.

Since I’ve been ill I haven’t been gaming very much. I did start a new playthrough of Dragon Age just before I got sick, and chose a Mage this time and I’m looking forward to playing it and choosing different dialogue options and choices.

Anyway, I have a bunch of ironing I need to do, yawn, but I’ll be back posting again regularly now. Hope you’re all having a great weekend! :)

 

 

 

 

Rhio as the Siren – [Gaming]

So Borderlands 2 came out for Xbox One, and this has made me very happy indeed. I’ve been having lots of fun playing it, I forgot how much fun playing Borderlands with friends is. It’s probably my favourite Co-op game of all time. My favourite character is Maya the Siren, and I decided to draw myself as her, kind of in the style of Borderlands.

rhiothesirenr

 

I also made a youtube video of my class set up for a friend so here is the video (I kick so much butt at the end!)

I’m glad Borderlands came out when it did because it means I’m having a break from Dragon Age, not that I felt that I needed to stop playing Dragon Age, but… umm… and this is going to make me sound like a complete nerd but, I played Mass Effect way too fast and I want to make Dragon Age last. You can only play it through the first time once (aww!), unless the technology that exists in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind makes its way to real life so I can have my memory erased just to play it over again for the first time.

Anyway, just a quick visit while I still recover from ‘flu and my medication increase, I’ll be right as rain soon enough and back to my positive posting self.

Have a great Easter Weekend :)

 

 

If we were having coffee… In Thedas #weekendcoffeeshare

Coffee4

If we were having coffee, I’d ask if you’d like to come on a journey with me to the continent of Thedas, the fictional Dragon Age Inquisition continent.

Lately, I’ve mostly been falling in love with Dragon Age. I’ve already spent 43 hours in the game, and I haven’t even completed that many main missions yet. My next main mission is, “Wicked minds and wicked hearts”. I’ve mostly spent time exploring with my faithful mount, who my little one named Shadow, and getting to know Cullen very well indeed (giggle).
I didn’t think that I’d like this game as much as I do. It reminds me of Mass Effect a lot, in the way that it sucks you in and makes you believe you are really in that universe. Dragon Age, like Mass Effect is made by Bioware, geniuses of story telling. From now on, I will buy every Bioware game that comes into existence, because, like no other game developer, they know how to make me feel very real feelings, for very not real things.

On a date with Cullen.

On a date with Cullen.

I wish more games were as much of an experience as Bioware games.

After getting used to the crafting elements, and combat system, I really started to have so much fun playing Dragon Age. My character is awesome, she’s a dual wielding Rogue who I named, “Shepard” for obvious obsessed with Mass Effect reasons. Rogues are a really fun class to play, and suits my play style of, get-up-in-peoples-faces. I love the skill trees in this game, I can imagine myself picking Rogue again, but having a completely different playable character by choosing different skill sets. I went with the Double Dagger and Assassin skill trees for my current Rogue. The Assassin skill tree is definitely my favourite, which was unlocked by completing a side quest. After a few side missions, I was lucky enough to get my Rogue some unique weapons and armour, and I love the fact that Skyhold, my home, has the option of tinting my armour.

In Dragon Age, you have the ability to choose what kind of person your character is through dialogue choices, Shepard the Rogue is a good person, who always tries to help people, and I choose friendly dialogue options. The only time I choose other dialogue options is when I’m referred to as, “The Herald of Andraste”. Everyone thinks I’m this special person with my green glow, and that I was sent from God to help save the world. I knew from the beginning I wasn’t really the Herald, but I always use the Herald card when I want something, like someone to join my team or to gain favour with certain characters. Otherwise, like I said to Cassandra, I’m definitely not the herald, and I don’t even believe much in a maker, all I want to do is close the rifts that are letting all kinds of horrible enemies pile into my world from the fade.

dragonageroguecolorI’m looking forward to making more important decisions in my game, I’ve already chosen to side with the Mages, and I chose to exile the Grey wardens as I did not trust them. I imagined that they’d cause future problems for me if I let them stay. Although, making decisions, like in real life, always makes me a bit anxious, wondering if I’ve chosen the “right” option for my character, and for my companions. However, I was rewarded so much with choosing Mages over the Templars, that mission has been my favourite so far.

There’s a lot of exploring and “farming” of materials needing to be done in this game, but it’s not a problem for me at all, I definitely don’t see it as a chore and I even get totally lost in the game doing it because the maps are so beautiful. The level designers did an astounding job, and I often catch myself staring into beautiful vistas. By far the most magnificent beings in the game are the dragons, watching a dragon fly around the beautiful scenery is breathtaking. I haven’t actually killed my first dragon yet, although I’m planning on doing that tomorrow, hopefully it won’t go as badly as the first time I stumbled upon a dragon when I was a level 4, basically the dragon sneezed and it wiped out everyone, including myself, in five seconds flat.

I haven’t actually seen coffee in the Dragon Age universe, there are plenty of pubs though, so maybe this week we’d have pale ales instead, propping up the bar in Skyhold.

If you’d like to take part in the Weekend Coffee Share, be sure to check out Part Time Monsters blog! :)

Happy Mother’s Day! #WeekendCoffeeShare 3

coffee3

If we were having coffee, I think I’d have a smoothie because I’ve already reached my caffeine limit for today! I needed it to get me through the mountain of cleaning.
Today is Mother’s Day, so if you’re a mum, I hope you’re having a lovely day. My mum, my daughter and I celebrated it yesterday, we went shopping and had lunch together, it was really lovely. I made a comic for my Mum’s card and had it printed on a mug too. it looked so cool! I was so happy with the way it turned out, and my Mum really loved it.

HappyMothersDay

I’ve had a busy week, I’ve been working hard and making the effort to go outside. I usually get a really high amount of anxiety whenever I have to go anywhere, so I’m trying to work through it. I have been quite successful actually, and am really quite proud of myself. I have been attending art classes on a Wednesday, and actually, whilst drawing, I totally forgot I was in a strange place and felt really comfortable in the situation. This hasn’t happened to me before! All the people there seemed lovely, and I ended up sketching a daffodil and an eye.

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My little one has also been arty this week. On Friday we had an art and craft night, and she painted Jupiter and two cute little astronauts. When she’s finished it, I’ll have to show you, it’s so awesome! She’s so talented! She bought me a lovely card for Mother’s Day, and a little teddy ornament and she also made me two cards in school.

I started playing Dragon Age: Inquisition this week. So far, I’m really enjoying it, and I can’t wait to do some Dragon Age art. I called my character Shepard (Because of Mass Effect), and made her look pretty Shepard-like. I’m convinced Bioware are geniuses. There is not another game developer out there that make stories that I get so invested in. V from Verbal Spew was one of the people that convinced me to get it. She’s recently written a post about Dragon Age, and I highly recommend you read it and give her a follow if you aren’t already! Her blog is awesome!

I’m really enjoying getting back into The Walking Dead. I just hate waiting a whole week to watch another episode. It’s definitely my favourite TV series. I’ve also been binge watching Orphan Black, I’ve seen the episodes before, but it’s amazing what you pick up when you binge watch, and I’m all about the detail!

I’m STILL working on that art piece I was talking about last week, but what with Mother’s Day I made drawing my Mum’s card the priority.
Anyway, I have so much ironing to do, school uniforms and the like, so I’d better get back to it. I hope you’re having an awesome weekend, and I hope you have a great Mother’s Day.
x

To take part in #weekendcoffeeshare head over to Part Time Monsters blog, to add your links, and join us for coffee :)

Coffee and Comics #WeekendCoffeeShare 2.

coffee2If we were having coffee, I’d ask for the biggest size there. I’m going to need it! My favourite coffee is a gingerbread latte, tastes so good!

If we were having coffee, I’d talk about how I had parents evening this week at my daughter’s school. Her teacher is pretty impressed with my little one’s work. She’s doing so well at school, I feel like I’m bursting with pride, it’s hard to not talk about my little one, but she is my everything. I have some handwriting of hers to show you, all of her school books look like this, so neat and tidy, my handwriting looks childish in comparison! Oh and by the way, her handwriting is in Welsh.

handwritingI’d also tell you about my week. I’ve mostly been drawing this week, I really wanted to post more often on my blog but I’m still struggling to draw fast enough. I’ve been working on one of my drawings for a whole week and haven’t finished yet. I only get one or two hours a day to do it though, what with being a mum and other responsibilities. However, I have a preview of my draw for you.

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 22.28.45

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I think I’ve realised that I’m supposed to be single. Everyone usually laughs when I say this but, the more I think about it, the more I think it’s very true. That just might be because I’m very recently single, but relationships, even good ones, make me crazy, for real, I have mental health problems and they get worse when I’m in a relationship. Lately, I’ve had a lot of time to think about things, and I think it’s because I neglect myself when I’m in a relationship. When I’m single, my little one comes first as she does when I’m in a relationship, but when single, when little one’s away with my mum, I take care of myself, I do things that make me happy, I put myself first and I even have dates with myself, but I stop doing that when I’m in a relationship. Putting myself first really helps me stay healthy in mind. Therefore, I am mostly fine about breaking up, and have been making an effort to do nice things for myself.

One of the fun things I’ve been doing this week, is getting back into Destiny, the game. I took a long break from it, mostly because it got boring doing the same things everyday, but I’ve really really missed playing with my friends, so I’ve been reconnecting with them, and had a really good time. My favourite character in Destiny is the Titan, mine’s at level 31, and I also have a Hunter at level 31. Here’s my titan that I drew on Affinity Designer for Mac.

titandestiny

Isn’t she cool?

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you about some exciting news I have! I’m going to open a shop at redbubble and sell some of my comics on shirts and all the other cool things they offer. I will be donating all proceeds from the shop to the b-eat charity. B-eat are an amazing charity and do a lot of work with sufferers of eating disorders. If the shop is successful, I’d consider producing my own line of products, but as I cannot predict if it will be a monetary success, I decided that I’d donate my test run to charity, then everyone wins!

Hopefully I’ll be able to finish my Mass Effect draw so I can post more this week, until then, I’ll see you next week for another coffee.
Have a lovely weekend, while I take another coffee to go.

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