Dearest Little One,
Happy Birthday! Ten years old! I want to tell you a little story about being your Mummy. Before I had you, I never thought that I could love someone as much as I love you but I loved you before I even met you.
This was the second time I saw you, and I could already tell how beautiful you were. I could feel it. They told me I was having a girl, but I already guessed, a little princess. Pregnancy was amazing, for the first time in my life, I loved my body, and I think it was because I felt beautiful because of you. Your beauty was emanating through my veins, and through my heart. I loved watching my bump grow, and I loved feeling you kick. You were a very active baby, and I used to play with you with sounds and light, because you could already see and hear, and you would play back by kicking me. My favourite part of pregnancy was when you had hiccups while the midwife was listening to your heartbeat, it was the cutest sound I have ever heard. I loved you so much already, and couldn’t imagine loving you even more than I did then, but I was wrong.
On the day you were born, after you kept me waiting 4 days for your arrival, I was bowled over by love. It was a kind of love that knocks you off your feet, but in the nicest possible way. You were the perfect little baby, and I couldn’t believe you were mine, because you were such a beautiful perfect tiny baby, with the reddest lips, tiny hands and tiny little toes. Little one, you made me cry tears of joy, it was as if the love filled me up so much, it had to be released through tears or I might have exploded like a creeper in Minecraft.
The first year of your time on this planet flew by remarkably fast, when I look back now it’s as though that year went by at lightspeed. You were a brilliant baby, never fussed or cried “too much”. I could take you anywhere, and people would be surprised at how good you were, they would approach me just to tell me how beautiful you were and how well behaved. You were always and are still remarkably clever for your age.
I loved pushing you in your pushchair. I’d take you to town to see Nannie on her lunch break, we also went to the park hundreds of times, and to the zoo. It feels like yesterday that I was carrying you in your pushchair down the stairs outside my flat, it’s really hard to believe that was ten years ago. I have a theory that you experience time differently when you have children, before I had you, ten years felt like an extremely long time, but the ten years you’ve been a part of my life have just flown by. I guess it’s really just Einsteins relativity though, because I’ve been happier since I’ve had you, so time has been passing quicker for me. At the same time that it doesn’t feel like ten years since I gave birth to you, when I look back at my life, I feel like you’ve always been a part of it. I feel like you’re the reason for my whole existence, and everything leading up to your birth happened just so I could bring you into the world. Earth is a better planet since your arrival on it, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re meant to be here, Earth needed you, I needed you, Nannie needed you, everyone needed you.
In the last few years, you’ve become your own person, independent of me. This transition you’ve been through has been absolutely amazing to watch. I feel like I love you more with everyday that passes, and you’ve become my best friend as well as my beautiful daughter. I love playing with you so much and when I do, I feel like I’m your age, and that we are best friends playing together. I sometimes have to remind myself that I’m actually your Mummy. You’ve grown into such a confident young lady, and I really love that you’re so strong in what you like and dislike. You have to like what you like and if it’s different from the “normal” that’s okay, because little one, there really isn’t a normal, and you need to like what you like because I’m sure that’s where happiness lies. I guess what I’m trying to say is, always, always be you, no matter what because you are awesome and I love you for who you are independent of myself. Other people will also love you for who you are, so that’s the person you need to be, you.
Now, I know I’ve said that you’ve made me a happier person since you came into my world, but I know that you know that I’ve still been sad sometimes. I’ve told you about Mummy’s mental health, and you know that I sometimes get too sad and that it’s not your fault. However, I have still been a happier person since I met you, and you, little one, are the reason Mummy is doing so well right now. You are also the reason that Mummy doesn’t have an eating disorder anymore. I struggled with wanting to get better for myself, I felt as though I didn’t deserve to get better. I know this is a difficult thing for you to understand, but know that you are the reason I did get better, you are the reason Mummy works so hard everyday to get herself better. You are why she takes medication and does everything she needs to do to get better. I may have thought that I didn’t deserve to get better, but I knew you deserved to have a Mummy who would eat food with you and eat enough so that she wasn’t ill anymore. I’m sorry that you had to see me like that little one, but you saved me and not only that you helped me get better. When I was gaining weight, you hugged me and said,
“I love hugging you even more now Mummy, because you’re not so boney”.
You definitely are my superhero. When I have a depressive episode, like just recently, I get to a real low point, do you know who I see when I’m there? You, telling me how much you love me, and you give me the strength I need to fight until tomorrow, always. I think it’s awesome that you love comic books, I really think it’s because you are a superhero, so you like to read about other superheroes just like you.
Oh dearest little one, I love you so much always, and even when I am sad, you are the only one on this planet with the ability to make me smile through it. In fact, my nurses, when they’ve been here, and I’ve been crying, they get me to talk about you, and I smile, and they say that my face lights up just mentioning your name. They know too, how very special you are.
I hope you had the best birthday ever, and I can’t wait to see the kind of person you are ten years from now, I have a feeling that you’re going to be a very special adult.
Happy Birthday little one. My princess, my superhero, my beautiful daughter.
Categories: Little One Comics