If we were having coffee, I’d mostly be talking about the fact I’ve been trying to get uniform for my little one for school this week. She has a few weeks of holiday left though, they don’t go back until September in the UK (They finished school at the end of July).
It’s especially stressful to get shoes because she has very specific requirements for shoes, due to the fact she needs to wear special insoles. I think we have finally found the right ones but I had to send the ones we had back because they were too big, and she needed a size smaller.
As well as stressing me out, school shopping has also been kind of sad this year, as she’s about to enter her last year in primary school before she goes to high school this time next year. She still seems too little to go, she is only 10. I think it just reaffirms that my little girl is growing up, more so than anything else. I’m never excited for her to go back to school anyway, I love it when she’s off school, we have so much fun together but I’m just finding it all so completely stressful and sad this year. I’m really dreading next year, but I’m hoping it’s just one of those things that I’m worrying about incessantly that will probably end up being fine. Anxiety is so great isn’t it?!
My little one (I should really think up a name to use for her on my blog!) is not in a rush to grow up like some of the kids her age (Thankfully! l’ve seen some of them wear make up! No, just no), at the same time though she’s also a little sad herself because she doesn’t want to grow up. I remember that all too well, and remember not being ready for these big changes everyone was talking about. I ended up being glad to get to high school though, as the beginning of high school was really great and they actually taught actual subjects. I was completely bored at primary school, because I found it too easy. It wasn’t even because I was super intelligent or a genius or anything, because I’m totally not, and when I got to high school I was really very behind compared to the other kids in my class, (I found it fun though to cram and catch up with the rest of the smart kids) I guess my primary school was just not very good at teaching actual subjects.
I tell my little one that high school will be better, and they will teach cool science and English literature (Which she loves at the moment) and it seems to make her feel a little better, but I know what she really means, aside from the fact I know she’s a bit worried about making friends because she does struggle to understand some of the “kid nonsense” that goes on in school (The normal crap that kids do, “You’re my bestest friend”, ten minutes later, “I don’t want to be your friend anymore”), it’s also the fact that time is passing, and she’s growing up whether she likes it or not. I tell her that I haven’t really grown up yet, I only adult when I have to, like when I need to go pay a bill, or go to the bank, or fill forms out, or talk at a conference because some adult things are required of all of us, but the rest of the time, I don’t feel like an adult. I get down on the floor and play with my little one like we are the same age, not because that’s what cool mums do, because that’s what is fun for me.
It’s the same with gaming and so forth, and being overly excited about things without fear of what people think, but that’s just being a nerd for you. Seriously, you should see my face if a new science paper comes out that interests me, or watching the E3 livestream and seeing Mass Effect Andromeda…
I really feel for my little one and I totally identify with her too and for me, well, it does pain me just a little bit that my little girl is growing up. I think it’s to do with the fact I have been able to shield her from most of the world’s ill’s thus far and soon, she will have knowledge, thoughts, and will experience what this world is like for herself, and that scares me. The fact I also have to inform her of the world’s dangers often makes me feel guilty, and I often put “I’m sorry”, at the end of those sentences.
Also, I worry about the fact my daughter might start wanting to fit in, because everyone does, and stop being who she is to please everyone else. I just hope she stays true to who she is, because it’s so amazing to see her get excited about what she loves, I don’t want that to be ruined by kids who won’t talk to you if you’re wearing the wrong thing, or like she experienced recently, them picking on her because of the shoes she wears. Seriously, her shoes looked cool, but she had to wear podiatrist approved shoes so they were boy styled because that’s all I could get and you know what? Those shoes meant she was in less pain but she experienced emotional pain for being picked on for it. Why don’t people teach their kids to be thoughtful of other people? People say, “Well, that’s kids for you”, or “That’s normal though Rhio, you’re being unrealistic”, and I seriously want to tell them to shut up, I’m being unrealistic to expect kids to be nice to each other? Well, that says everything you need to know about the human race doesn’t it? How depressing.
I just want my daughter to be her forever and without fear, because I know, being true to yourself and who you are is one of the easiest ways to make yourself happy. For some odd reason, being true to being you also sometimes ends up causing you actual grief because of other people and their judgements or prejudices. Humans… you should want your other human brothers and sisters to be happy, so please let them be happy.
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