As someone with a mental health condition, it’s easy to get overwhelmed with the negative feelings, so much so, it’s easy to concentrate on them and think that’s all I have. This is not true, I have plenty of positive feelings, and feelings that I love.
The great thing about my positive feelings is, they are so awesome these days, my feelings were so dulled down when I had an eating disorder, I felt too numb, or hungry to feel other things as intensely as I do now. These feelings mean a lot to me, because I feel like they are a reward for slogging through recovery, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and now, a reward for kicking ED’s behind.
Therefore I decided to make this list, to concentrate on the positive side of my feelings post recovery. It was quite hard to do actually, which was rather surprising, but I think it’s because my positive feelings say more about me and my personality than my negative feelings do. Of course, I’m not saying that all of my negative feelings are mental health related, I get angry, sad etc just as much as the next normal person, but the negative feelings I concentrate on or get overwhelmed with are mental health related and when I am feeling them, it sometimes feels that, that’s all I can feel. No, I do feel good things, and I’m going to focus on them for this post and for however many more posts it takes to highlight my favourite feelings. My brain will just have to deal with it.
My daughter giving me a hug when she’s been away somewhere, like on holiday or at school.
Obviously, normal everyday hugs are also the best feelings in the world and I love when Seren falls asleep on me, but when she’s been away at school or on holiday, it’s like my body has entered this state of being on high alert. When I hug her when I collect her from school, there’s this peace inside of me, it feels biological, and everything inside of myself relaxes. I think it’s connected to a feeling of safety, as if we have been reconnected to fight the world together again. It’s such a great feeling. I also know I have to cherish these moments too, because she’s growing up and soon it probably wont be cool to hug your mum when you get out from school. I do want to and am actively encouraging her independence, but I’ll take all the hugs I can get while I can.
Meeting someone who I have an instant connection with and share multiple attributes in common.
I met someone recently, and it just made me feel, “Thank goodness you are here right now, I feel better knowing that there is a person like you in the world”, and I think I could have talked to him for an eternity.
The connections I’ve made on my blogs, Facebook, gaming websites and obviously offline, over the years, have led to amazing friendships, and these people helped, and continue to help me to this day and I am so grateful for them. I love them and care about them dearly. They also just, “get me”, I don’t have to explain anything to them because they already get it, so we can concentrate on talking about other things. It’s so great when you don’t have to continually and constantly explain yourself to people.
You know your connection with someone is strong, when you don’t see each other for years, but you pick up right where you left off. This has happened to me too, a primary school friend who I was close with and I met up years and years later because of Facebook, and it was so amazing. It was like we hadn’t been away from each other.
When I talk to someone I have a connection with, I find myself saying, “YES!”, very enthusiastically, a lot! “YES!! I’m so glad you get it!”.
Learning and getting better at stuff.
I love to learn things, it keeps my brain functioning and has in the past, actually and literally kept me alive. When I was a teenager, I used learning things as a coping mechanism.
A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to be good at art. My dad was an incredibly talented artist, and I remember just being in complete awe watching him draw, and I wanted to be good too, even though, I knew I’d never be as talented as him. Seriously, he was that good, it’s like trying to recreate the Mona Lisa, impossible, but I knew that didn’t mean that I couldn’t get better.
The first pieces of art I did on a website I was a member of were really bad, no seriously, they were really bad. After about 6 months of drawing nearly everyday when my daughter who was 3 at the time was asleep, I became a featured artist on the website, directly because of that, a lot of my art suddenly got tonnes of likes and views, and people would help me in the comments.
“Have you tried using this tool?”, “If you layer up the opacity it will make things appear to shine brighter”, and after a whole year, I was drawing things I never thought I would ever be able to do. It just proves that we all have the capacity to learn things, and get better at things, and don’t worry if there are people out there already doing it better than you, because what matters is your enjoyment, and I love being better at art now, it gives me this great feeling. The great thing about art too, is there is always more to learn. I know I can still get better.
The dolphin above was drawn on the websites basic paint program.
The feeling I get when I load up Mass Effect.
There is no other game on the planet that gives me the feels quite as much as Mass Effect does. I can’t even describe it, but it feels so good! It’s basically my go to when I feel like complete crap, because no matter what I’m experiencing, even if it’s something really very bad, I can guarantee that I will feel at least a tiny, little bit better. It might not be enough to get me out of a crisis, but at those points in time, I will take anything I can get.
The feeling I get when I talk to people at conferences about Eating Disorders.
After I finished talking at my first conference, there was a really loud applause. I instantly felt this feeling wash over me, it led to goosebumps! I think it might have been pride, but I’m not that familiar with pride because I’m usually putting myself down. I loved this feeling. People came up to me afterwards and told me how I brought them to tears, how I changed the way they see mental health problems, and told me how I was inspirational. Although these words of being an inspiration are something my brain totally disagrees with “No Rhio, I don’t, you’re still not good enough”, it was so great to have people come up to me and tell me how my real actually happened to me story changed them somehow. Amazing!
When you watch non-linear or complicated movies or read non-linear or complicated books, and all of a sudden, understand everything!
My favourite movie of all time is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It’s hard to talk about it without spoiling it, and it’s on Netflix and Amazon if you want to watch it. It’s my favourite movie not just because of the story, but the way it is produced. You get to a point in the movie where everything is revealed and you feel something in your brain click, and you understand it and I absolutely love that feeling. I also love the replay value of these movies and books, because when you re-watch or reread them, you see more of the story than you did the first time.
I love this feeling so much that I try to find obscure books and movies all the time.
These aren’t all of my favourite feelings, in fact, I think I’m going to make this a series on my blog, and if you want to join in, yay! That would be awesome! It is important to focus on our good feelings from time to time, and this post actually helped me a lot because I was actively trying to remind myself of my favourite feelings.