It’s been forever since I updated my blog. I want to come back, and be back blogging and reading your blogs, but the thought of updating it after so long has been putting me off. I always seem to do catch up posts, and then disappear, and then I can’t blog about the things I want to blog about because I feel like I need to explain where I’ve been first, because that’s the polite, British thing to do.
What’s happened since I’ve been away? Well there was my birthday, then Christmas, and then Valentines Day, and my little ones birthday the other day. I’ve watched a heck of a lot of Netflix, and played several games.
My birthday and Christmas were damp squibs, my daughter and I were both really poorly. My daughter ended up in hospital with tonsillitis so bad that her tonsils were obstructing her airways, and then I got pleurisy so spent New Years thinking I had a broken rib because the pain was so bad. I finally got antibiotics after that (because I was focusing all my energy on making my daughter better and neglected myself) and only started to feel better after my little one had gone back to school. Being so ill meant we missed out on seeing Star Wars on release day, and I feel like the worst nerd in the world for missing it.
Little one’s Birthday totally made up for Christmas, and New Year. It was awesome. I had an excellent time, and so did she. She was very lucky and had several lego sets. She turned 11 years old. I can’t believe I’m a mum of an 11 year old. The best thing about her birthday is that I only have good memories of her past birthdays. Anyone that knows me, knows that a lot of bad stuff happened to me on birthdays, in some cases, causing PTSD, meaning birthdays usually give me horrid flashbacks. Anyway, it meant that the entire time, I had good flashbacks. Of her being born, of her being little and toddling around, of her just being so darn beautiful and perfect. I even went through all my photo albums to totally immerse myself in the good memories, and it was awesome because, thinking of the past is usually very bad for me, brains being the way they are for survival purposes, means that memory has a negativity bias. It remembers bad stuff better than good stuff. I remembered the good stuff about her and there was no bad stuff riding along with it, trying to creep in without my permission.
(Image:- A photo I took of some Lego and marshmallows to make my little one a birthday card.)
Since recovery her birthday is even better and I’m so grateful for that. Party food, cake, sweets, no problem. Not an issue. Food, for the first time, was fun. It was fun to eat a giant slice of chocolate cake with my daughter. I didn’t even think about it at all, just that it tasted so good. I’ve had a lot of breakthroughs in my recovery lately. When I got ill with pleurisy, I lost a bit of weight. I had one day of, “I don’t want to gain it back”, and freaking out. The next day, I was fine. I was fine because it actually worried me, what if I got ill with pleurisy again (and that’s quite likely, I’ve had it 3 times now), and I was weaker and underweight? Pleurisy is a scary thing to have if you’re vulnerable health wise. Recovery, well, I’m the best I’ve ever been. It wasn’t supposed to be possible to be here. This was what my brain kept telling me was impossible, never going to happen. “I’ve been ill too long to ever get there”. It’s taken a lot of work to get here, and a lot of help but it’s starting to pay off massively.
(Image: Us eating birthday cake with Mr. Pig Suit Guy)
My little one’s anxiety, which I talked about in my last post, has entered a “manageable” phase. She’s so much better, and happier overall. She still struggles though, and has days where she comes out of school crying. I think it is mostly social anxiety, when she has time off school, she’s a different, happier person. She has been doing better at school though, her teacher says, so I’m less worried right now and that’s a relief. She also developed something of an anxious cough, which I didn’t even know existed. When she’s with me, she’s completely fine, you wouldn’t think she struggles at all. I’ve been doing a lot of mindfulness with her, and her teacher has let her have mints in class that help her anxiety stomach aches. Her teacher also made a chart where my daughter can point to which one she is feeling, without having to explain, which I thought was an excellent idea. I just wish some of the kids were more understanding, or knew about mental health so she’d have more friends.
As you can probably tell, I’ve been having as much fun as my little one has playing with Lego. It’s so fun to put them in funny scenarios and take pictures. My lovely friend over at BloggityRamblings has been doing it for a long while, and I thought I’d have a go, and now I can’t stop!!
Anyway, I’d best leave it there for now, or I probably won’t stop writing. I’ve missed this, I really have and I’m going to try my best to come back, properly this time! It’s a goal I have, and I have so much to talk about, and I can’t wait to share.