If we were having coffee, or Appletiser that I am drinking right now as I’m trying to cut down my caffeine intake, I’d tell you that the weather has been incredibly warm this week and quite typical for a British summer.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that this week has been full of pain and has therefore been quite difficult. I’ve tried taking my mind off it by making even more friendship bracelets and drawing, but yesterday, I was in too much pain to even do that.
I ended up having a massive panic attack last night while I was cooking, that came out of nowhere, and ended up making me fall to the floor. My daughter came and rescued me, and then without me even asking, just carried on making the dinner while I sorted myself out and tried to calm myself down. I was saying, “Sorry” to my daughter in between hyperventilated breaths because usually I try and hide my mental health issues from her and felt guilty for having a panic attack in front of her, and she said, “It’s okay, really, I know you’re going to be fine soon. Don’t say sorry, everything is okay”. I get upset that she has anxiety herself, but it helps that I could tell her I was having a panic attack, and she knew exactly what that meant, and just reassured me that everything was okay, like I do for her when she has a panic attack.
I really don’t know why I had a panic attack, I wasn’t even thinking about anything, I was focused on making dinner. I guess it might have something to do with the pain I still have and the fact I couldn’t do any self care yesterday because I was in too much pain to do that. I ended up spending the day watching Homeland on Netflix, and I’m on season 4, and it’s so gross. How Carrie gets information out of that young kid, made me feel sick. It’s so pathetic too, she’s supposedly a super awesome badass CIA agent, and the only tool she has in her get-information-out-of-people toolbox is sex? Okay then, that makes total sense [Sarcasm alert]. “It worked though didn’t it?”, So?! It’s still gross. Maybe I should have watched something a little less cringeworthy.
The panic attack could even be something as simple as the weather changing. I hate summer, not because I’m just a grumpy cat, but because I really struggle with the temperature. I don’t sleep properly for the entire season, and I have to cover all my skin whenever I go out in the sunshine because of my meds. My meds make me overheat in the mildest of British summer temperatures, and they make my skin super sensitive to the sun so I burn even though I wear factor 50. Don’t even get my started on the night sweats my meds cause in the middle of winter, in the summer, it’s unbearable and my sheets get soaked. Summer is not fun. Summer would be a lot more fun if British houses had air conditioning. Of course, panic attacks can happen for no reason anyway, so it might be pointless me trying to figure out hundreds of theories as to why it happened.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that my mum and my friends really helped cheer me up after the panic attack yesterday, and then I watched the MasterChef UK final, and the person I wanted to win, won! Jane was so awesome, her dishes looked the best by far. That made me happy, and I enjoyed talking to my friend WeeGee about it.
If we were having coffee I’d tell you that our week wasn’t all bad, good things still happened despite the fact I have been in pain. My daughter and I both really enjoyed Star Wars Day, and I enjoyed drawing myself as Rey, and my little one as BB8. You can check it out here if you are interested in seeing it. I really enjoyed Facebook, Twitter and WordPress on Star Wars Day as my feeds were full of nerdy Star Wars stuff and it made the nerd in me super happy. I also wore my hair like Rey for the day.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that my daughter had her age 11 primary school tests this week, they are basically like SAT’s, and apart from one of them, seemed pretty positive about how she did. I was worried that she would get really stressed about it, given that she has anxiety but I think telling her over and over that they didn’t really matter helped. I kept telling her that they are not tests that are going to follow you around for the rest of your life, that no one has EVER asked me how I did in tests when I was 11. I said it so many times that she believed me and felt a lot better about it and wasn’t even nervous. She obviously still tried her best, and that’s all I ever ask of her.
If we were having coffee I’d tell you that the next friendship bracelets I’m going to make are a panda one, and a butterfly one. I’ve decided I might make a whole bunch of them to send to friends for Christmas or Birthdays or whatever.
So, I think I’ve talked for long enough… How was your week? Thanks for having coffee with me lovelies.
Weekend Coffee Share is a post link up hosted by Diana at Part Time Monster, head over to her blog to take part and read other coffee shares.
Categories: Weekend Coffee Share