It’s been a few weeks. It’s been a mad mad few weeks, so I thought instead of coffee sharing the whole thing and it taking 3-4 coffees to get through it, I’d actually write a post.
Well what’s been going on and why have I missed the coffee shares? Well, I got sick, the kind of sick that means you cannot sleep one hour straight without having a coughing fit. The kind of sick that makes you recoil in horror whenever food is shown on the TV and boy, food is advertised so much. I’m still sick but I have antibiotics now and I’m eating okay, despite the whole not eating for three days through no fault of my own made my brain automatically swing into thoughts of, “Lets eat less now, and don’t go back to eating normal” etc etc, despite the fact I’ve been in eating disorder recovery for four years, this is still pretty automatic for me if I, for whatever reason, can’t eat.
I’m eating anyway, purposely reminding myself of all the reasons to stay in recovery is helping, but it’s still been a bit rough.
Since I’ve been away, I’ve also had my Bipolar diagnosis confirmed. I was going to write a whole post on it, but I don’t think I need to. It didn’t really make me feel anything, other than I’m glad I have a permanent name for the stuff that happens to me now (It was only ever, “I think you have Bipolar” before), and then, every now and then, I think, “I don’t think I am Bipolar, I don’t think I’m that sick”, and then that’s annoying because my brain reminds me of every single piece of evidence on file to contradict that statement.
“Remember when you were really manic that one time and did [insert super embarrassing thing that I still to this day cannot get over that I did, so much so, it makes me feel sick just to think about]”. I could tell you some stories… If you already know them, I’m going to pretend that you don’t, just a heads up.
The most awesome thing that happened in the last few weeks was that after our appeal, my daughter did get into the school she and I both wanted. Such a huge relief. She’s going to get the fresh start she’s been asking for, and she’s also now guaranteed to have a full education and full support. She’s a young carer because I’m ill, and the school she got into has young carer drop ins every Monday, so there will always be someone at her school who knows her, and knows about her needs. They also have counsellors on site, which is all I think she needs with her anxiety at the moment. We are both completely over the moon. I feel a lot more hopeful about her future.
My daughter is doing great. She’s been a lot happier lately, even before the whole school awesomeness. She’s also been incredibly helpful around the house and has asked for chores, offered to cook and offered to help while I’ve not been well. She’s had full pocket money for the last month (I loosely base pocket money on how much she’s helped, it’s basically a bonus system just so she knows I really appreciate it, but that she doesn’t have to do it all, she can do less and still get some pocket money). She said she’s saving up for a Lego set she wants, and also for spending money when she goes on holiday. She’s been writing quite a few stories recently, and what always amazes me, is how she, at 11, describes things. It really shows how she thinks about the world around her, and that just fascinates me. In one of her stories she wrote about how trees lined a park her character was walking through, and said how “the wind sweeping gracefully through the giant oak trees filled the park with the scent of old bark and leaves”. She’s amazing at describing things. I could learn a thing or two from her, maybe I would stop saying “stuff and things” so much, but then that’s fun and reminds me of The Walking Dead.
I’ve been making quite a lot of bracelets and I finally did the panda one I was talking about! Here is Mr Panda Suit Guy modelling it:-
Oh and this one did quite well, for obvious nerdy reasons:-
I have actually made enough bracelets and designed some myself to dedicate a whole post. I might do that pretty soon. Making bracelets and watching Netflix is currently my favourite thing to do. I actually watched season 5 of Homeland, despite the fact I didn’t much like season 4, but I really wanted to see what happened to Quinn for obvious reasons, and I’m so glad I did, it was awesome!
I think I’ll end it here, I hopefully will be feeling well enough to do a coffee post on the weekend. The antibiotics should have kicked in by then. Take care lovelies. x