If we were having coffee, I’d offer you some coffee and cake and a seat on my sofa. It’s all nice and super tidy in here, because I’ve been clearing out my flat this week while my little one was on holiday. Lil Reuben came home yesterday and I was so glad she was home, I missed her so much. She went to Torquay for a week and had a lovely time.
It’s kind of funny that the first thing I thought of to do while my little one was on holiday was more chores. That’s what I really wanted to do though. I did do my own nails and dye my hair though so that was pretty cool. I loved the nail colour, definitely one of my favourites. It’s called Port-A-Loo-Blue by Rimmel.
I dye my hair dark brown, my natural hair colour is a really mousy brown, which I hate. My hair is way too thick to look good or natural with lighter colours. It looks a lot tidier now, so I’ll probably go and get it cut with little one next week. We also have to go on a school uniform hunt so that might be a cool day out.
If we were having coffee I’d tell you that I’ve been pretty exhausted for the entire time little one was on holiday. I didn’t over do cleaning my house, I just didn’t sleep properly for the whole time she was away. It doesn’t help that I have the noisiest neighbours ever. It’s loud pretty much 24/7 in my flat, and I have to work my routine around them. It’s been stressing me out so much. It’s so loud, that I cannot concentrate on anything else, so I haven’t made bracelets, or done any craft because it’s impossible. Ear plugs are useless, they are that loud that ear plugs make absolutely no difference. I haven’t been able to relax or chill out for weeks, and I haven’t slept properly for months now. There’s nothing I can really do about it, I’ve done all I can, and I’ve been trying to move out for the last 3 years but I’m always in the back of the queue, last week I was in position 50 of 50 for a flat that would have been perfect for us, even with letters from my nurse. To get moved up the queue, I basically have to have another baby. That’s not a very good reason to have a baby though. I’m so down about the situation. My home doesn’t feel like home anymore.
I’ve been trying to write about my neighbour situation for a while, but I feel bad writing about negative stuff here. Not because I only want to write happy stuff, but because it’s hard for me to write. It suddenly becomes more real when I’ve written it down and I don’t want to give it anymore attention. My default coping mechanism since ED recovery is “Pretend-the-bad-thing-isn’t-happening”, and it helps for a while, until it doesn’t help and I just get completely fed up with the situation. Then I feel like I have to hide until the bad thing is over. The thing is, with my neighbours it’s never going to be over unless I move out, and like I said, because of my unable to work mental health situation and physical health situation, that’s also impossible unless I start popping out babies like a gum ball machine or win the lottery, which is just great because they have exactly the same odds of happening – Very very unlikely. I want my little one to get through the first few years of high school before I even think about having another baby and I don’t even know if I will then. I feel like I’m not done yet in terms of babies, but there’s the whole having to come off meds, and not being able to risk that because of the little one I do have situation, so unless things improve massively, I don’t think I’ll have anymore kids. That’s how drastic this situation is though, and how much I can’t deal with it for much longer, it’s been making me think about drastic ways to get out of here.
I did get cheered up a lot this week by playing Rainbow Six Siege with one of my friends. It was so funny that I had a couple of fits of the giggles, and so did he. We always have such a great time playing, even if we aren’t doing well at the game, we’re still laughing and having a good time. Which is exactly what gaming should be about.
Anyway, little one and I are going to make some Southern Fried Chicken to put in tortilla wraps with lots of fresh salad, so I better get going now.
How was your week? I hope it was a bit better than mine.
Categories: Weekend Coffee Share